Thou shalt not walk hooded on a Sunday through a gated community or ye will be shot one time in the chest
Heed the warnings when concealing a weapon in thy vehicle or ye shall suffer two bullets through the heart and three within the body. Thy family shall witness this penalty.
Walk not alone on the sidewalk for ye will be subject to an investigative stop and shot three times.
Hold nothing in thy hands, no phone or identification, when in ye maternal grandmother’s backyard or thou shalt be shot eight times. The shots shall be six and two, six in the back and two in thy side.
Thou art forbidden from selling single cigarettes. As thou have been given thine breath, it can be taken away.
Ye shall attend to broken tail lights. No man shall be held harmless of this trespass. Five bullets will reign down upon thy back from a space no farther than fifteen to twenty feet.
Thou shalt not grasp for thy wallet in front of any man, whether disguised or a uniform of the State or thou shalt be shot forty one times.
When under suspicion, the gesture of pulling up one’s pants is known to be hostile just as begging for one’s life is known to be deceitful. Kneel before judgement or crawl closer to death.
Thou shalt not steal from convenience stores or ye shall be shot twelve times.
Do not knock on a stranger’s door for help. No help will greet thee. If ye endeavor to harass a residence, thou shalt be shot one time in the face by a landowner or ten times by the State.
ANTHONY FARIS 